Calm anxiety without drawing attention to yourself

In brief

• You can try to calm anxiety privately by using breathing, grounding, and body-focused techniques
• These techniques can help you shift attention inward
• Doing these exercises can give you greater control in regulating your nervous system and reducing stress 
• It’s important to prepare your body and mind before the flight so you have the tools in place to use them when you need to

Staying calm discretely

Nervous flyers are often worried they’ll experience a panic attack on a plane, and the attention this will bring. Thankfully, there are ways that you can calm yourself quickly, quietly and privately.

You don’t need to suffer in silence, but sit there quietly and steady your body’s stress response – and we’ll show you how in this guide.

You can also download our Calm Flight Toolkit, which contains a range of breathing, grounding and mindfulness exercises that can help you before and during your trip.

Why do we fear being seen to be out of control?

For many people with anxiety (whether that’s aviophobia or anything else), the fear isn’t just panic – it’s being seen to be panicking.

Planes can feel claustrophobic with little distance between you and other passengers. This can generate anxiety. You may also worry that the signs of anxiety (fast heart rate ,sweating, chills and rapid breathing) are visible to others. 

This can be worse when flying because your mind has been conditioned to consider the experience stressful.

If you’ve felt anxious on a plane before, your brain remembers. This is a process called conditioning.

Your brain links being in a plane with an anxiety-inducing experience and scans for signs it might happen again. The scanning itself (like checking turbulence forecasts or listening for strange noises) increases tension. It’s actually your nervous system trying to protect you, but creating anxiety as the by-product.

If panic once happened during takeoff or turbulence, for example, your brain may now scan for signs it’s about to happen again which can increase anxiety.

Why does this matter? Your body is exhibiting stress responses that are combined with a fear of judgment. When you start to actively attempt to reduce anxiety, the fear of being seen can subside. 

The quiet techniques here can help you to break out of these negative patterns. In turbulence is a trigger, slow breathing can help your brain to learn that this feels uncomfortable, but it passes. 

Over time, this new learning can reduce conditioning and help you to regain some calmness and composure. 

Accepting anxiety, not suppressing it 

Before we get into the details, it’s important to see there’s a difference between hiding anxiety and regulating it. There’s a difference between suppression and regulation.

Suppression is trying to push the feeling away, which can cause greater stress. Regulation is about accepting anxiety and finding ways to combat it.

In practice this means you’re not pretending the feeling isn’t there, but finding ways to help your nervous system settle. You’re developing skills to work with your stress response. That builds confidence because you know you can handle it.

Understanding your body’s quiet signals

People afraid of flying are used to trying to hide their anxiety, but this can backfire on you. 

Swallowing down fear can lead to anxiety worsening, say experts, potentially creating a negative spiral.

When anxiety rises, your sympathetic nervous system triggers changes in your body. You might feel an increase in your heart rate, feeling breathing is shallow and your muscles get tense. You may get really hot, or feel cold. 

These symptoms are all caused by your body reacting to what it perceives as a dangerous situation.

You might know it as the ‘fight or flight’ response.

The key to coping is to break the stress cycle before it gets worse (potentially leading to a panic attack).

Small and invisible adjustments can help to interrupt the stress cycle, restoring calm and composure. We’re going to show you some private exercises you can follow to silently reduce stress.

Learn private calm breathing techniques

Scientists have found that breathing exercises are one of the most powerful tools for calming anxiety. 

Breathing exercises can be done entirely unnoticed and won’t raise attention at any stage of the flight. 

Researchers found that breathing exercises can help to reduce stress, with the biggest impact happening if the person has previously practised these exercises.

Practice this simple pattern : 

• Breathe in through your nose for four counts
• Pause for one
• Exhale slowly and count to six 

If you’re worried about how you might look, you can watch yourself in a mirror.

You’ll soon see that the exercise is so subtle that no one around you would know. 

This exercise works because the longer exhale activates your parasympathetic system, which can help to naturally reduce your heart rate.

This exercise can help at any peaks of anxiety, like waiting to board, take off or during turbulence.

Feel grounded without movement

Grounding helps to break your mind free of anxious thinking, bringing you back to the present.

You’ve probably heard of the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, and it’s a great one to know, practice and internalise. Here’s how it works

Think of:

• 5 you can see
• 4 you can touch, 
• 3 you can hear
• 2 you can touch
• 1 you can feel 

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique can be done internally. Or, if you want, you can also jot the details down in a phone or a notebook. It’s whatever works best for you.

This technique can be performed anywhere and is a great way to bring you back to the present when experiencing anticipatory anxiety.

This technique can work at any point where you need it, so give it a try when you can. Practising helps provide you with the confidence that you’ve got these tools and techniques ready for when you need them.

Improve your internal dialogue

Your internal dialogue plays an important role in feeding your anxiety or fighting it off.

Many fearful flyers find that each sound or sensation triggers a negative internal dialogue. 

It might seem fanciful, but there’s evidence that positive thinking can be powerful in tackling anxiety. A 2016 research paper found that “any form of positive ideation can be used to effectively counter worry.”

Some authors and organisations will provide a list of self-affirmations, but we recommend developing your own.

It can help to learn about the science of flight, understand what’s happening at each stage of the flight (including takeoff, landing and during turbulence), and how safe commercial aviation is.

We recommend jotting these down in a notebook or a notes app on your phone and reading and reflecting when you need to. Nobody sitting near you will ever notice.

Positive thinking is more than personal affirmations. Visualisation can help to bring calm. 

Thinking about a favourite place, familiar face, colour or light can help. Some people like to close their eyes and think either of the destination (a wonderful and well-deserved holiday or a return home) or experiences they’ve enjoyed. Try the technique out and find what works for you.

Visualisation works because thinking about an image activates the same brain regions as real sensory experiences. If you find your mind is kicking into action, look at photos on your phone, tablet or computer. Such images have been established by experts to reduce physical and emotional pain.

Be ready to restore calm

Many fearful flyers avoid thinking about the flight until it’s close. Instead of avoidance, a more effective solution is to accept anxiety is part of the flight experience for you – and to prepare ways to deal with it.

Before flying (or entering a stressful situation), you can – and should – practice quiet breathing or grounding exercises here in a calm space. 

This increases your familiarity with the exercises and can help to reduce the perception of threats. It also proves to your mind that these tools and techniques can be effective. And if they work on the ground, they’ll work in the air, too – although it’s important to note that anxiety may be stronger mid-flight. 

Instead of coping with the flight experience, you can develop confidence that can support you from the minute you book the flight until the moment you return home.

These techniques are part of a whole strategy to support you. It’s also worth packing intelligently for every flight to provide some in-air calm. 

Prepare for in-flight anxiety 

If you’re a nervous flyer, anxiety is part of the experience. Accepting that is an important point because it means you can plan. 

By learning to work with your body quietly, you gain control without needing to explain or hide. You’ll simply appear more calm because, inside, you are beginning to feel calm.

The exercises here (and on our Help Desk and in our Calm Flight Toolkit) can help to reduce anxiety, but they won’t entirely cure it. That comes through experience, understanding and acceptance. Over time you, too, can learn to fly above your fears.

Please share this article with anyone who might benefit from it.

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